Defining what constitutes a Woman is a very popular pastime these days among the Wookies.

Men should be extremely careful about asking this question of a Woman. Frequently, the next remark will be, “Please can I have my balls back.”

If you ask a tigress how she defines herself, she may elect to give you a very convincing, but final, demonstration of her view on the matter.

I have never run a Marathon. But I understand that the rules more or less state that you go to the start line and then run, walk or stagger until you cross the finish line.

As I understand it, you are not allowed to start on the bus, hop off as you get near the finish, and then stride to victory over the finishing line.

As far as I am concerned, if you want to be a woman, you have to start as an embryo, get born, be a little girl, then a bigger girl, teenager and onwards. At each stage the definition gets a little clearer. But, I don’t think you can just hop off the bus and fake all that was supposed to happen before.

As far as I can see, being a woman is a whole life experience. No short cuts. Having your willie turned inside out doesn’t come anywhere near it.

If you want to do that, then you need to go the whole hog. Have a couple of inches removed from each leg and probably an inch off each arm. Remove  a considerable percentage of your upper body muscle. Oh, hell, do the thing properly. Have that ugly lump on top of your shoulders removed, because you’ll need a memory transplant.

Or, become an adult.

Deal with it. Find things that help make sense of life. God knows that’s a trick the rest of us struggle with every day.

Just don’t cheat, the only one you’re fooling is you.