I was not aware that I lived in an area with so many VIPs.

These people are so important that every second of their lives matter and we, mere proles, must respect that and allow them free room on the roads and pavements. For anyone else, this would be rudely pushing in or cutting up, but we must understand that we mortals must allow them to do this.

Driving in traffic, they must be permitted to change lanes without signal, warning or courtesy in order to keep to their very important schedules. They are not obliged to stop at red lights if it would mean an extra two minutes on their very important trip.

It is odd that I don’t seem to recognise any of them from pictures in the media or on TV. But, then I probably watch all the wrong channels and shows.

I also missed the notification about driving licences and regulations.

For drivers of large SUVs, there is a new class of licence:

• Turn signals/indicators are only fitted as an instruction to other road users to get out of the way.
  • They are optional.
  • If used, it is not required to move in the direction indicated; it may be regarded as a general warning that a change of course is imminent.
  • Other road users are required to keep clear.
• Lane discipline is not required.
  • Drivers may turn in either direction from whichever lane they happen to find themselves. This applies particularly at roundabouts and motorway junctions.
• Road markings are for decorative purposes only. (For all other road users, of course, they remain mandatory).
• Rear view mirrors are for amusement only.
  • External mirrors are for viewing accidents disappearing into the distance.
  • Internal mirrors are for adjusting hair/makeup or communicating with rear seat passengers.
• Speed limits are non-applicable.
• Red lights are optional.
• When parking, it is obligatory for other drivers:
  • To allow sufficient room for a small coastal vessel to manoeuvre.
  • To wait as long as necessary for harbour tugs to arrive and assist with mooring up.
• It is only necessary for the driver to glance occasionally at the road in front, or road/traffic conditions in general.
  • In-car entertainment systems take priority over external awareness.

WARNING:        Since I don’t hold one of these licences, I cannot be sure that I have captured all of the details.

Now, it occurs to me that these VIPs may in fact be Marvel Superherores going about their “non-heroic”civilian” lives. In that case, it seems to me that their superpower is to get up my nose faster than a Vicks inhaler.