I have not posted for some time. I am struggling with back pain and arthritis in the right knee.

If you feel sympathetic, thanks, but forget it. The summary of most healthcare opinions of this boil down to Sukkitupbitch. A sentiment with which I heartily concur.

The treatments that are available seem to me to all be essentially palliative and temporary.

Injections of steroids into the  knee will relieve some of the symptoms. For a few months. Then what?

I feel that such treatment will act as a “comfort blanket” to my body systems, instead of forcing it to learn to deal with the problem. Put it this way, I need to teach my body to dial out the pain signals and get on with the job in hand. That is a sweeping statement, but I hope it conveys my overall intention.

Obviously I’m on painkillers, but from past experience, if I take enough to manage this lot, I will be able to star in zombie films and not much else.

At the moment, walking down the street, I have two companions. One walks behind me with a cricket bat and every fourth or fifth pace, takes a hefty swipe at my lower back. The other runs in front and every now and then sticks a red-hot needle into my right knee.

I wish they wouldn’t do that.

From similar episodes in the past, some lasting for years, I know that at some point my spine, which is degenerating, will settle a bit more into a new mode, hopefully less painful.

As for the knee.

Because of my age, arthroscopy is not an option. The cartilage in the knee joint is probably so degraded and fragile that any tears or lesions cannot be repaired. Sukkitupbitch.

However, I minded of the surgeon who performed arthroscopy about twenty years ago. He told me of a case he had, a man over sixty with knee problems. The patient was  farmer and a hill runner – an active man. The surgeon opened up the knee and immediately said to himself: “What the hell are you doing in here? Get out as soon as you can”. There was not a trace of cartilage on any of the surfaces within the joint. It was effectively running bone-on-bone. He cleaned out what debris he could and closed up the knee. He explained to the farmer that he had done his best, but that it was less than ideal.

Every year thereafter, he received a Christmas card from the farmer, thanking him for his work and adding that he was still hill running.

The farmer had taught his knee and his body to deal with what it had left to make a functioning unit.

Sukkitupbitch.

This is what I will do.

But:

Chronic pain is not a nice companion. It creeps into your head and does nasty things. I can only describe the resultant state of mind as “down”. Words like pessimist, cynic, negativity, etc. just don’t come anywhere near describing it or the insidious way it works. You suddenly find yourself having thoughts and ideas that are absolutely awful to the point of being evil, sick and disgusting. And you think “how did I get here? This isn’t me at all”

I will be very careful about posting while this demon is on my  shoulder.

Meanwhile, for your amusement, here is a table of pain levels that I have worked out.

LEVEL	DESCRIPTION
10	Some clown gives you a lumbar puncture, but manages to stick the needle straight through the main spinal nerve. The resulting sensation is so far off the scale of anything you have ever felt that you only know it is “pain” because it cannot be anything else
9.5	Fall out of a loft and land flat on your back. ( I think judo training as a kid made me fall flat, spreading the impact) I clearly remember lying there and hearing a voice in my head saying very distinctly, “what do we do now?” and a different but equally clear voice saying, “Now we scream.” So I did
9	Is when you cry. Not so much from the pain as from the whole goddam mess, the rest of your life included. It ALL suddenly becomes too much
8.5	Is when you sob, but catch yourself in time to stop tears
8	Is when you gasp, grunt and pant as you move around. Interestingly, if this happens a lot as you are walking about, it interferes with your breathing, which in turn interferes with the oxygenation of your system, leading to dizziness and light-headedness. Unfortunately this does not appear to have any analgesic or anaesthetic benefits.
7	Is when you want to escalate to panting and grunting, but self-respect prevents. This is important because you have to maintain a positive attitude if you are going the Sukkitupbitch route
4-6	Various levels of bad bruises and sprains
1-3	Pinpricks and paper cuts.

Currently cruising at between 7 and 8.