I always come up with the same question.

If the Incident at Roswell was truly a crashed alien spacecraft, why did it crash?

An alien has the technology to pilot a craft, at the very minimum, within our solar system. The alien can avoid all the obstacles, has the technology to power the craft and navigate it.

And crashes it?

If the stories are to be believed, this is no chemical powered rocket, no outsize birthday firework.

If this is a “flying saucer” then, what powered it? Because if it wasn’t a chemical rocket, then it must have been so far ahead of the technology that is available to us in the 21^st century, and probably a few to come that I cannot believe that its satnav could not cope with this god-forsaken piece of rock.

Now, I hear that  the wreckage was recovered and “reverse engineered” to make some wonderful leaps forward in research and technology.

Well, unless PlayStation qualifies, where the hell are they?

As far as I can make out, we are still hurling men and apparatus into space – well, very near space – strapped to a giant roman candle.

OK, so the squeaky-bum brigade are keeping it a secret. Are you kidding me? Keeping what a secret? And from whom?

I expect them to cuddle any secret knowledge to themselves, it is the only validation for their miserable existence.

But surely, in the past decades somebody must have worked out that it could be better used for commercial advantage. And don’t point at Tesla. A mobility scooter with delusions of grandeur simply is not a technological breakthrough. It’s same-old same-old with a higher price tag. A glorified mikfloat with a neat battery.

Nothing has appeared in the decades since the presumed arrival of aliens that is a technological breakthrough on the scale required. Everything that has happened has been the plodding, but worthy, development of existing knowledge.

The only scenario I can accept is that the Roswell alien panicked trying to get the hell out of this shithole and pressed the wrong button.

And that means he was human after all.